


Code Teen Geass Force

by ligmageass



Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Code Geass
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24964216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ligmageass/pseuds/ligmageass
Summary: Post-Re;surrection, Lelouch and C.C. must put a stop to Master Shake's latest bout of megalomania.
Relationships: C.C./Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Kudos: 1





	1. A discussion of quality television programming, an arrival, a disguise

_Of bodies changed to other forms I tell;_

_Your Gods, who have yourselves wrought every change_

_-_ Ovid

_My name is Shake Zula, the mic rulah_

_-_ Schoolly D

* * *

“You know, Frylock, I totally could have taken that Lelouch guy.”

“Is that so Shake?”

“I mean, just look at him! So skinny! You know, it was actually me in that Zero costume! I just ran up to him and stabbed him in the chest! Boy, you should have seen the look on everybody’s face, it was priceless!” Master Shake laughed from the ratty old recliner. On the television, Kirito had just entered Sword Art Online.

“I did see the look on everyone’s face,” Frylock replied coolly. “I was sitting here watching it on TV. With you.”

“And me,” Meatwad chimed in. “Don’t forget about dat.”

“Yes, Meatwad.” Frylock spoke to the sentient meat blob as if he was a child, which in fact he was. “We were all watching it together because Emperor Lelouch ordered the broadcast to pre-empt Boruto.”

“That bastard!” Shake ejaculated. “I knew there was a reason I killed him!”

“They ran up on that boy,” Meatwad opined. “Yessir, they sure did. First, he cut him in half-”

“Meatwad-” Frylock tried to interrupt.

“And then he cut him into a bunch of little pieces…”

“Meatwad.”

“And then he was like a robot…”

“Meatwad!”

“And then he blew him up with like a blast from his hand.”

“Meatwad, that was an episode of Dragon Ball Z that you saw last night,” Frylock finally managed to say.

“Well, whatever it was, it gave me nightmares for weeks,” Meatwad finished.

“Ha! Imagine getting frightened from some anime!” Shake taunted. “Anime isn’t real! And neither is your waifu, you stupid idiot!”

“Don’t say that about Asuna, she didn’t do nothin’ to you,” Meatwad protested. “You keep talking that talk, I’m gon’ kill you, Shake. Don’t think I won’t.”

“You’re not gonna do nothing to me!” Shake told him. “I’m gonna go for a swim, so don’t look at me. You make me so sick that I sink.”

“Finally, I can get away from those morons!” Shake declared once outside, his cup-shaped body somehow outfitted with a swimming tube in the shape of a duck. Despite having no visible ears or nose, his sunglasses remained on his face. The pool was technically located in his neighbor’s backyard, but that had never stopped him before. He jumped into the murky waters seemingly not noticing the industrial waste contaminating it.

“HEY! CUP! GET THE HELL OUTTA MY POOL!” came a voice from inside the house. It belonged to Carl Brutananadilewski, as did the pool. Carl had the voice of every piece of New Jersey trash that had ever graced a factory floor, an accent persisting despite Carl having spent the last decade living on disability checks and pathologically masturbating. After a few moments, Carl emerged from the house clad in his usual combination of a stained tank top, blue sweatpants, and flip flops. He was probably somewhere in his forties and looked every day of it.

“Relax Carl!” Shake called. “I ain’t hurting anybody! It’s a free country! What are you gonna do, call Emperor Lelouch over here?”

“Oh-hoooo, you wish,” Carl replied. “When I get trough with with yous, you’re gonna wish you were one of that guys fetish slaves, or whatevah they were.” Carl sighed. “I dunno, I mean, if I was in charge of the whole world, I guess I would just do the same thing.”

“You said it, Carl!” Shake agreed. “If I had that Geass power, look out ladies! Not that I don’t score every night anyways, ha ha!” Shake had never been touched by a woman in his life.

“Heh, heh, yeah,” Carl chuckled, producing a revolver from his waistband. “Now get the hell out of my pool before I ventilate you.” 

A shadow fell over the pair of them, getting larger by the second.

“That’s some kind of meteor, isn’t it?” Carl asked tiredly.

“Yep,” Master Shake replied.

“Headed right for my pool.”

“So it would appear.”

Carl sighed. “It’s always somethin’ with you guys, isn’t it?” He put the gun to his balding head. “Maybe I should just blow my brains out now and get this ovah with.”

The meteor landed before he could, completely obliterating the pool. Master Shake, Carl, and even the house somehow remained undamaged. After the smoke cleared, they got a good look at the fallen rock: its center glowed with a mysterious, heron-shaped light. 

Shake picked it up and threw it. “Stupid rock! I was trying to relax!” It landed several feet away and then exploded, as things tended to do when Shake threw them. He was suddenly bathed in a pink light and a voice spoke into his mind.

_Do you desire power?_

“Oh baby!” Shake answered out loud. “Do I!”

***

Lelouch’s back was killing him after his flight with C.C. into Newark. His informant lived in a place called “South Jersey Shore”, a name that made it quite difficult to locate the place on a map. He had finally been able to locate it by searching through towns with the lowest property values, or, as his informant had instructed: “Just go to the biggest shithole you can find!” The Hertz rent-a-car guy had been similarly unhelpful, as had his exorbitant rates for a compact car. To make matters worse, all the radio stations in the area seemed to exclusively play Bruce Springsteen, occasionally throwing in the Sopranos theme song for variety. 

Their informant met them in one of the town’s many abandoned lots, attempting to remain inconspicuous by donning a trenchcoat and a pair of sunglasses. Unfortunately, he could do little to camouflage the fact that he was a giant floating carton of fast food french fries.

“Are you guys the Geass hunters?” Frylock asked, his body floating up and down as he spoke.

“How did you find out about us?” Lelouch asked back, in the tone of one who is used to having his questions answered.

“Are you really a basket of french fries?” C.C. added, reaching for one of the blonde protrusions from his head.

“Stop asking me these dumbass questions!” Frylock snapped. “If you must know, I found you on the internet. And no, they are not edible! Stop touchin’ me, woman!”

Lelouch turned to C.C. “Since when do we have a website?”

“Well, I just figured that people who need to find us should be able to find us,” C.C. explained, as if two former members of a fallen dictatorship advertising themselves online was the most natural thing in the world. “It’s not like people are gonna be looking for geasshunters.org unless they know what Geass is, right? Besides, it’s not like I put your picture on it or anything.”

“But you put your picture on it.”

“Well, people have to know who they’re getting, don’t they? You don’t want people getting scammed, right?”

In spite of Frylock’s growing irritation, Lelouch pulled up the website on his cell phone. Sure enough, it was online: complete with mid-2000’s graphics and a glamor shot of C.C. that had been taken who-knows-where. In it, she smiled a plastered-on advertising smile. When he lowered his phone, her face wore the same expression. Lelouch’s scowl deepened.

“Okay, but why is your picture on there?” he asked.

“I told you, to keep imposters from ripping people off.”

“How would they use this website to rip people off?! I thought that only people who knew what Geass is would know what any of this is in the first place?”

“Don’t you know that you can’t be too careful these days? People can put anything on the internet.”

“Did you make this yourself?”

C.C. beamed. “I sure did.”

“It looks like shit.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Okay that’s enough!” Frylock shouted. “We’re not getting anywhere this way. Let’s just head back to my place and you’ll see what my problem is.”

“Fine,” C.C. said, turning towards the car. “Oh dear.”

While Lelouch and C.C. had bickered, their car’s wheels had all been stolen. It now sat on concrete blocks in the middle of the lot, unable to go any further.

“Oh, that happens around here sometimes,” Frylock supplied casually. “By the way, I was...kind of depending on you for a ride back to my place.” He smiled his most ingratiating smile, which proceeded to have the opposite effect.

Lelouch’s irritation with the state of New Jersey would only increase from there.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing that stood out to Lelouch about the house was the milkshake-shaped door frame, complete with a space for a bent straw to pass through. The second was the two creatures inside the house kept on leashes: one was a bald, fat man in his forties and the other appeared to be a giant ball of meat with eyes whose leash was just sort of slung across his spherical form. Holding the leashes was a tall, milkshake-shaped creature, seated in a recliner watching Attack on Titan with relish.

“Do it!” he shouted at the screen in a shrill voice. “Eat those people! I wanna see their guts in the streets!” On the floor next to him sat a giant white rock.  _ That must be the Geass meteor _ , Lelouch deduced.  _ Frylock still hasn’t said anything about what this guy’s power is. Could this all be a trap? _

“Fryman! You’re back!” cried the fat man. “Please, you gotta save us!”

“Relax Carl, I brought help,” Frylock assured him. He turned to Lelouch and C.C. “Well, there he is. I need you to cure him before this madness gets any worse.”

“Something like Geass can’t just be cured,” C.C. told him. “The Power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Once you have accepted the contract, while living in the world of humans, you will live unlike any other: a different providence, a different time, a different life.” She gave Lelouch a knowing look.

“That must be the meteor that gave him his powers,” Lelouch supplied, pointing at the rock.

“Aww, he ain’t got anything like that!”Frylock snapped. That ain’t no Geass meteor either, that’s just a giant crack rock!” He began bobbing in agitation. “He just smoked a bunch of crack and now he thinks he has magic powers or some shit. Just look at him.” Upon closer inspection, Lelouch could see a clear pipe sitting on the arm of Master Shake’s chair. Shake picked it up and ripped off a piece of the meteor with his crackhead strength. He put it in the pipe and lit it. 

“Ah,” Shake sighed. “That is some good crack.” His eyes widened from his new high and he seemed to notice Meatwad and Carl again.

“Slaves! What are you still doing here?” Shake stood in fury, energized by the fresh influx of crack. He produced a machete from the folds of the recliner and began swinging it around haphazardly. Carl cowered, whimpering in fear. “I specifically instructed you to find me some prostitutes so that I can finally have sex! I mean, so I can have sex...again!” Shake shouted. Finally, the weapon connected, slicing Meatwad in two. It didn’t appear to do any serious damage, which only enraged Shake further. “The power of my Geass gives me super-strength!” Shake announced, still swinging the machete at the ever-expanding number of mini-Meatwads. “Fear me! I can end your life at any time I choose. Just...give...me...a...second.” Eventually, Meatwad was in a dozen pieces. Shake’s slicing had also severed Meatwad’s collar, and when Meatwad rolled himself back together he happily transformed into an igloo and then a hotdog with a smile.

“So, he doesn’t have any Geass powers?” Lelouch asked incredulously. “He’s just been high on crack?”

“That’s right,” Frylock replied.

“Well, then what do you want us to do?”

“Should we kill him?” C.C. asked. “I could probably do it, but not my husband here. He’s pretty weak.”

“No! I don’t want you to kill him!” Frylock said quickly. “Besides, I could just do that myself. With my eye lasers.”

“Eye lasers, huh,” Lelouch said skeptically.

“Like I believe that,” C.C. added.

“I don’t care what you believe, I just need you to do your thing so we can go back to normal.”

“Well, sometimes we do have to, ah, eliminate irresponsible Geass users,” Lelouch said. “But if he’s just some guy high on crack, we don’t really care. Have fun.” He turned to leave and C.C. followed. 

“Aww shucks, it’s over,” Meatwad said dejectedly. “I’m gonna go check in on Asuna and Boxy Brown real quick. I hope they’re okay.” He left for his bedroom and emerged with a body pillow and a cardboard box with an afro. “Guess what, everybody! They’re alright!” he cried joyously.

“Dammit, can’t you guys break character for one second?” asked Frylock. C.C. turned, eyebrows raised.

“Exactly who do you think we are?” she asked.

“Cosplayers!”

“Cosplayers?”

“Yeah! You know, professional cosplayers!”

“Since when is that a profession?” Lelouch asked.

“That’s the whole reason I hired you!” Frylock said desperately. “Shake smoked a bunch of crack and now he thinks he has the power of some dumb anime he saw on late-night TV.” Behind him, Shake was riding Carl like a pony as Carl sobbed uncontrollably. 

“How could people have found out about this?” Lelouch struggled not to panic. How had such a closely guarded secret gotten out and been put into an anime? And how had he not known about this? “Which anime has people using Geass powers?” he asked, trying desperately to remain calm.

Frylock had heard just about enough. “Code Geass! The anime is called Code Geass! You know, the one you guys are dressing up as?”

Lelouch and C.C. looked at him, each completely speechless.

Frylock continued. “That’s why I hired you guys! To come dressed up as Lelouch and C.C. and to convince him that you were gonna kill him if he didn’t use his power responsibly! But go ahead and leave now, just don’t think I’m gonna pay you guys a damn cent!”

Shake had finally gotten tired of riding Carl around and noticed Frylock for the first time.

“Frylock! Have you finally returned to be my loyal slave?” Shake called with false cheer. “Or must I subjugate you first, as I have done to the others?”

“Dammit Shake, just knock it off already!” Frylock shouted at him. “I’m tired of going along with this. Code Geass is not real! Anime is not real!”

“Aww hell naw,” Meatwad interjected.

“Emperor Lelouch was never real! It’s just some dumb show that you saw on Cartoon Network at night! You know none of that stuff has any cultural value, right? And stop smoking that crack!”

Shake inhaled from his crackpipe and laughed. “Oh, Frylock, I find your analysis to be quite infantile. Infantile indeed! Who are you to say what is reality and what is not reality? You’re just...some guy! Who’s never had sex!” Shake laughed. “You see, with my powers, I can create any reality I want, including one where this hot anime bitch has sex with me!” He turned towards C.C.

“Die, you scum,” C.C. told him.

“Hmm, this reality seems to be bugging out a little bit. Maybe I’ll try one where I slay this harlot, who I am clearly too good for!” Shake picked up his machete and pointed it at C.C.

C.C. smirked. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she warned.

“Begone, thot!” Shake cried, flinging the machete with his crackhead strength. C.C. deftly caught it and flicked it back at him.

“Am I supposed to be impressed by that?” Shake scoffed. “Now, behold as I use my Geass power to create a reality in which I am immune to any and all projectiles!” Shake reached out his hands in what he thought was a cool pose (for he had no arms) and the machete cleanly sliced them off. Shake looked down in shock at his yellow-gloved hands lying on the floor, blood erupting from his new stumps. He let out a horrific scream and fell to the floor. 

“My hands! They’re gone!” Shake crawled on the floor over to where his hands laid. He raised his stumps as if to reattach them the way train cars are reattached, but he only succeeded in covering the floor and his severed hands in more blood. Carl stood and looked around nervously. Seeing Shake moaning pathetically on the floor, he let out a laugh.

“A-heyyyyyyy, look at ’im!” Carl gloated. “Not so royal now are ya? And I definitely...never was your slave. A-and I never cried. Got that?”

Shake gurgled pitifully. 

“I SAID, YOU GOT THAT!?”

“Well, I’m just glad that no harm was done to my waifu,” Meatwad said, clutching his Asuna body pillow. “Poor Shake though. They cut him up just like they did that Emperor Lelouch.”

“Meatwad, I told you, anime isn’t real,” Frylock said testily. “It’s just something you saw on TV! Asuna isn’t real and she will never, ever love you!”

“Aww hell naw, Meatwad!” Boxy Brown, the cardboard box with an afro, said. Somewhere, soulful disco music began playing. “As long as you believe that your waifu loves you in your heart, then she’s real to you, boy. And that’s all that matters.”

“You’re right, Boxy Brown,” said Meatwad in his high, nasally voice. “All I have to do is  _ believe _ that she loves me, and she will! No matter what reality I’m in!” He hugged his body pillow, which was three or four times his own height, even tighter. “I am no more or less than myself. I am me! I want to be myself! I want to continue existing in this world! My life is worth living here!”

Suddenly, the house fell away and they all stood assembled high above the Earth. Everyone applauded Meatwad except for Shake, who was still lying in a pool of his own blood and didn’t have any hands anyway.

“Congratulations!” said Lelouch

“Congratulations!” said C.C.

“Congratulations!” said Frylock.

“Ehhh, congratulations Meatman. Or whatevah,” said Carl.

“Congraaaatulations, boy!” said Boxy Brown. 

Shake groaned incomprehensibly. 

“Congratulations!” said Asuna.

Meatwad turns and looks directly at you, the reader. 

“Thank you all!”

* * *

_ I never dreamed _

_ I’d be an Aqua Teen _

_ Thirteen seasons _

_ What does it mean? _


End file.
